Ben Behind His Voices Blog: New Address to Continue the Conversation

Thanks so much for following and commenting on this blog, whether you've been here from the start or have just discovered it.  Early this month (June 2011) the site content was moved to a new URL, easier to find as part of the new website for Ben Behind His Voices.

http://www.benbehindhisvoices.com/blog

 My publisher suggested this would be an easier address for people to find the blog, and the book info, when they search.  I'll keep this site active for a few more weeks, and then will remove the content as it has been republished at the new address.

 Please check this new site for the latest posts, and I hope you'll subscribe/follow there to stay in touch - and, as always, spread the word to anyone who might want to be part of this growing community.  Thanks so much!
And, of course, I continue to blog about the issues that affect families dealing with mental illness at healthyplace.com, a terrific resource for many topics in physucal and mental health.  I invite you to check out their site for blogs, info, interviews and other content. HealthyPlace.com.  My blog there is called "Mental Illness in the Family"

Supported Housing: One Giant Leap for Ben

I'd always been under the impression that when Ben was ready to leave his group home, he'd be gradually weaned off the 24-hour staffing to, perhaps, 16 or 12 hours of supervision. But no. Ben's recent accomplishments, notably lasting six whole weeks at his new job, have forced the issue of getting him "graduated" from supervised housing to the next step. Evidently, there is no middle ground in our state. The next step is living alone. Yes, he qualifies for a med nurse to show up twice a day and carry out doctor's orders for supervision of meds.  Yes, there is help "if he needs it" in the office a few blocks away.  But still. While I share and applaud Ben's accomplishments to qualify for this next step, I am also as concerned about this change as I am happy for him.

Tomorrow, he moves. First and last month's rent? He only has part of it.  Most of his benefits were withdrawn almost as soon as he received that first paycheck.  So guess who has to make up the difference? What do people do who don't have parents to help them?

Furniture? He needs a bed, a table and chairs, the basics of life.  So much need, so soon, with nothing in the bank to pay for it now. What if he had no family? What do others do? I think we'll be making daily visits to Goodwill for awhile. Our family has unlimited love to give, but definitely not unlimited funds. Far from it.

Ah, the thrill of the challenge. But finding furniture, and stocking Ben's fridge, will be the easier part. How do I stay away from the fear: What if it's too much for him? What if, after seven careful years of building his life back up, this is too much independence, too soon?

"Hope, Respect and Dignity" : One CT Doctor Writes about Mental Illness

Bridge House, CT

In a recent article in the Stamford Times, Dr. Michael Basso writes about the need for those non-medical elements in treatment for mental illness. Things like Hope. Respect. Dignity. And, yes, even Humor.

He spoke at a mental health day center, where many in the group were homeless. He found that the above elements created an interactive, respectful, fun session. Here's what he had to say about humor:

"I cracked as many jokes as I could before and during the talk and got the patients engaged in having fun. They were also encouraged to make relevant jokes -- perhaps the most important innovation of all. The laughter put them further at ease and the jokes engaged them in ways that helped return control back to them -- called having an internal locus of control"

Lionel Ketchian, Happiness Club

This reminds me of the Happiness Club, which began in Connecticut but now has spread internationally. Lionel Ketchian, its founder, runs a meeting at Bridge House ("a Clubhouse which is modeled on the Fountain House model of psychiatric rehabilitation.

Glee and the missing mental illness: schizophrenia

Dear Glee writers:  I truly applaud your script this week, where Ms. Pillsbury finally comes to terms with her OCD. Dr. Stephanie Smith blogs beautifully about this here. 

I loved the way Glee handled OCD in this episode- the stigma, the symptoms and the road to treatment.  My only bone to pick: the psychiatrist played by Kathleen Quinlan - I'm assuming her vocation, as she was able to prescribe the SSRIs for Emma - spoke beautifully about acceptance in mental illness, mentioning every diagnosis except for schizophrenia.  That, too, deserves an open forum.  Come on, at least give it a mention!

Still, it's a start.  Thanks, Glee. Someday maybe my Ben will may be proudly open about his illness. Maybe. But in the meantime, I'll remain thrilled that he is agreeing to treatment.  So far, so good.

May is Mental  Health Month! Here's a great resource for info at Mental Health America.

Schizophrenia and a "Great Personality" - possible? Yes!

This marks one month of employment for my son Ben.  One full month! He loves his job.  He has an answer when people ask him "What do you do?" The increase in his energy and pride is thrilling. Really. Thrilling.

Do I worry, still? Hmmm. Well, let's just say I'm keeping my eyes open for signs of stress. And simultaneously trying to stay grateful in each moment. I don't call Ben to see if he has gotten up in time to go to work - but the thought occurs, several times a day. NAMI has taught me that letting go is part of what parents must do - all parents, actually, but it's a more intense process when you've seen your child led into the mental hospital more than once. Letting go, slowly.  Learning to trust his abilities, slowly.  He has earned it.

Ben said yesterday that his manager told him he was hired because of his "great personality":  friendly, "good with people." Wow. What a long road to this place. I know who my son was before the illness (brilliant, charming, loving, funny); I also know how he was when in crisis (mostly unreachable).  To see Ben's personality re-emerge - tentatively at first but more strongly now - is indescribable.

Schizophrenia and other mental illness symptoms come in two categories: Positive (added to personality) and Negative (taken away from the personality).  The latter is as heartbreaking as the former.

Catherine Zeta-Jones, Charlie Sheen and kicking the shame out of mental illness

According to CNN, "Catherine Zeta-Jones, has checked herself into a mental health facility.
The actress, who has been by Douglas’ side since he was diagnosed with throat cancer last fall, is seeking treatment for bipolar II disorder, her rep confirms to CNN."

There is an excellent link to an article on bipolar disorder here - and brava for Ms. Zeta-Jones for not only getting help, but for choosing not to keep it a secret.  This takes courage, class - and, I believe, a desire to help others by example.

 As for Charlie Sheen - well, no one can diagnose from afar, but I sure would bet a cup of coffee on the fact that he, too, has bipolar disorder.  Just saying.  And, with acceptance and continued treatment, he could be back on Two and a Half  Men by the fall.  However - the road to acceptance is no short journey. 

NAMI Family-To-Family: Happy 20th Anniversary

My son Ben is two weeks into a job. An actual job, with paychecks and everything. And by “everything”, I mean a reduction in benefits which almost wipes out the money he’s earning…but that’s another story. The main thing is that Ben is earning this money, and that feels completely different to him. The change in his self-esteem is astonishing. He has something to say when people ask him, “So what do you do?”

As the publication date of Ben Behind His Voices approaches,  I find myself thrilled that its launch will coincide with the 20^th Anniversary of NAMI’s Family-to-Family Program, because that is the course that saved my family by teaching me what I needed to know to cope with my son’s mental illness. NAMI helped me, and then I had the tools and the support to help my family – including, eventually, my son.

In January of 2002, I walked into my first F2F meeting – and I walked out completely changed. Although NAMI support groups had thrown me my first lifeline out of the hellish confusion of my son’s symptoms, I needed more. F2F was different from the support meetings in that it was a structured, once-a-week, course that was more educational in nature. In twelve weeks, I could learn about mental illness and its effect on the entire family, including the person who suffered from the illness.  This was taught by other family members who were trained by NAMI to implement the course. And – it was free.  All that was required was the commitment to attend all twelve classes, one evening a week, for 2 ½ hours each class.

What did I get?

Clarity.

Mental Illness and Work: Capability, Dignity, Small Steps

Three hundred people showed up to a job fair this month for seasonal work at Connecticut's only zoo. Twenty people were hired, and one of them is my son Ben.  Why is this such a big deal? Because Ben hasn't been hired for a job in over eight years, since before his first hospitalization for schizophrenia. I am so overwhelmed with surprise and pride at this news that I realize I hadn't even dared to dream that this could happen yet for Ben.  In recent years, he'd begun to succeed in college part-time (the fact that he is starting to know what he can realistically handle is a huge step in itself.)

So much of Ben's growth in recovery has happened in these small steps that this huge leap into the work world scares me a little - yet I know (and keep reminding myself) that this is Ben's journey.  My questions - will this be too much stress for him? will he be able to wake himself up every morning when he has to get to work by 8:30? will his schoolwork suffer? - are ones I must keep to myself, and trust my son and his team of caseworkers to handle the answers without me.

But - over-riding all this is the wonderful pride I see in my son's eyes.  The value of having an actual job, of feeling useful, of being wanted for what you can offer: yes, indeed, priceless.  Ben, who while in the throes of the onset of his symptoms wrote that work was a "government plot designed to enslave us," has now changed his mind.  This week he wrote this:

If I were to give one piece of advice to the reader of this 'message', I would say that in order to get to where you want to be in life, what you have to do is walk the path.  Now, I understand that this probably sounds easier said than done, and - I won’t lie- it is. I now have goals for my life, and I must be willing to actually perform the steps that the goals require. One way to make this easier is to learn from one’s past, and embrace the lessons which will make walking the path easier. - Ben, 2011

A huge question, though, is one that no one on his team seems to be able to answer correctly - what, exactly, will be the effect of this minimum-wage job on Ben's benefits?

Ticket to Work: The Road to Self-Sufficiency, fingers crossed.

Ben has a chance at a job. A real job. Minimum wage, yes, but for him to make it to a second interview, and then to a possible job offer for the summer...well, the tears I feel remind me that I hadn't really even dared to dream this for him.  Ben hasn't had a job in eight years, since he was twenty years old.

He is so excited - it's the validation, the possibility he may be able to earn money, be useful, have something to say about his life other than "I live with roommates and do volunteer work" and - lately - "I go to school part-time", a miracle in itself .  He is also facing, suddenly, questions like:

• What will come up in a background check? Will the employer know about my hospitalizations and diagnosis?
• Will I lose my SSDI? SSI? State help? Medicare? Medicaid?
• What is a "Ticket to Work", and do I have one?
• Will I lose respect and the chance at this job if I reveal my diagnosis?

Practically, I was able to find answers by calling Ticket to Work, and by visiting the Social Security Work Website
The emotional questions are the ones that are more difficult to face

Author Reflections: "Ben Behind His Voices" launch date set

It's real! The official publication date for Ben Behind His Voices is September 16, 2011.  When you search on Amazon or Barnes & Noble, there is a listing.  As a first-time author, I have to admit that this is even more exciting than my first kiss. Yep. At least I think so - the first kiss was so unexpected (another story for another time), while this listing is the culmination of  years of writing, rewriting, query letters, bouncing back, trying again, and finding and reconfirming my own faith in the book's value to others.

Yet this is nothing - nothing - compared to the challenges Ben himself has faced in the same period of time.

Marijuana and Schizophrenia: another view

The latest fad in schizophrenia theory: marijuana caused it. Yet another finger to point, to create the illusion that it is somehow the "fault" of the person who has the illness. Here's an intersting article that tells another side of the story: Marijuana and Schizophrenia: Cause or Therapy?

De. Phil Leveque begins with these words: "This story is engendered by an article in TIME Magazine Feb. 21, 2011 entitled Pot and Schizophrenia: A Dangerous Mix. To put it mildly, TIME is full of crap and so are the authors of the medical article from the University of New South Wales in Australia.

Can Schizophrenia be Prevented?

If you want the facts and latest news about schizophrenia and the people affected by it (those who have been diagnosed and the people who love them), I highly recommend two amazing websites: http://www.nami.org/, and www.schizophrenia.com.

NAMI has taught me that there are nine stages of emotional response for the families of those with mental illness. Whether you are in an earlier stage like crisis/chaos, a middle stage such as anger/grief or a later stage such as understanding, information will - immediately or eventually - help to empower you.

Click on the address or title for the links to each website - NAMI's home page, and a new article found on schizophrenia.com about prevention of schizophrenia.

Legislative Social: Where were the lawmakers?

Here in Connecticut, it's fix-the-state-budget time, and our local NAMI affiliate arranged an event last night that was powerful, organized, and well-attended - except for the state legislators who'd promised to appear. The speakers were inspiring; they had progressed from homeless to productive, from hospital patient to independent citizen, from dropout to Masters Candidate -all with the help of (a)integrated treatment and (b) community. If services are cut for these speakers, they will lose all they have gained. I wish Ben had been there with me to hear their stories; I hope that, someday, he might be willing to share his.

If services are cut, the true cost will be great.

Another family's schizophrenia story

Before we found our publisher for Ben Behind His Voices: One Family's Journey from the Chaos of Schizophrenia to Hope, my agent and I received several quite lovely rejection letters, stating how much they were moved by the story and by the writing - but that they feared it "just wouldn't sell" because of the subject matter.

Now, coming out very soon, another family's story, called Henry's Demons. This is by Patrick Cockburn, his wife, and his son - a UK family, each telling their part of the experience.

Creative writing, then and now

Ben is taking two classes this semester: Directing 101 in the Theatre Department, and Creative Writing. The directing class requires a lot of him, things that his illness have compromised: insight into one's own emotions and the feelings of others, social awareness, stillness, complete connection. Do I tell the professor that Ben has this illness, so she is aware she needs to grade him in accordance with his disability?

And...creative writing. Ben's writing used to look like this:


- and that was before it began to look even more scattered and illegible. Now he is writing haikus, and keeping up with assignments. 200 pages of reading assigned between classes, I fear, may cause him too much stress; yet, it is his journey to complete. He is getting assignments in on time, so far - even, in one case, a day early. That requires a connection of cause and effect I haven't seen in years. Still, I want to make sure he gets a fair shake...do I write to the professor?

Meanwhile in this letter, from a Mom in England who has lost her son to schizophrenia, the story has unfortunately ended quite differently.

Ben Behind His Voices this summer!

The cover design has been chosen at last, and it makes the upcoming publication finally seem real. The exact date of publication is still tbd, but it should be in bookstores in August 2011, and available for pre-order at the end of June or by July. There are more updates available by either joining the facebook group "Ben Behind His Voices, the book", or by joining my e-mail list using the link on the home page at http://www.randyekaye.com/ - just specify the "Ben" list when you get to your choices.

Here are some advance comments, though!
Poignant, stark, and the energy of the scenes are set up really well. This work has screenplay written all over it. The dialogue is wonderful and the pace of the story moves briskly. – Nancy DeRosa, author of A Penny’s Worth, and There’s No Place Like Home

Dream and Reality: Happy Thanksgiving

I had that dream again.

Ben is missing. No one has heard from him since yesterday - or is it a couple of days? He isn't answering his cell phone.

Emergency Room again - but different this time

9 PM. The cell phone rings on my way home from teaching a class.

"Randye? It's Desmond from Harrison House."

Ben's group home. My heart skips a beat, a conditioned response. What has Ben done? Did he stop taking meds? But he's been doing so well!

Desmond senses my approaching panic. "Don't worry, it's nothing major. It's just that we're taking Ben to the Emergency Room. He cut his hand cleaning up the kitchen and he may need stiches."

It's ridiculous but true: I am relieved that Ben needs stitches. Oh, is that all? I think.

Gentle Reality Check - and LEAP with Xavier Amador, Ph.D.

Sometimes Ben’s behavior is so wonderfully ordinary that I almost let myself imagine that none of this ever happened: the hospitalizations, the calls to the police, the fear and chaos.  I can forget, for a while, that Ben has a serious mental illness.

yes, things can get better

If you're stuck in the middle of the crisis/chaos stage of acceptance, you've no doubt got your hands full just trying to cope with immediate needs. Been there, don't want the t-shirt, hopefully not going back again - but, as you probably know, chaos is only a short trip away without medication compliance. Right now, as always, grateful for every good day.